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About Photography / Hobbyist Firat VardarMale/Germany Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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:iconpelinkurnaz: :iconkhrmnens: :iconla-nausee: :icondodoruk10: :icondaisy-lynn:


Umm.. Hi.
    I really don't know why am I doing this but, yeah. I'm not a usual writer, I don't usually write things. I just sit in front of my keyboard and start rambling. I have no clue how this will end so bear with me till the end. 

    First off; why am I writing in English, although my main language is Turkish? I have no clue, but I often think in English when I have nothing to do. Benefits of 13 years of English classes. Why don't I think in Turkish?! I'm feeling much more free when writing in English even though it's not the best way to express myself. Maybe because I'm ashamed of my identity, my community and the lack of stability in my life. I could never see myself as a member of a group that's not even there in first place. Why to think in their structural way of thinking? But being a member of a group creates stability in one's life, isn't it? I'm a kind of a person that creates paradoxes in his work. 

    I shouldn't be here rambling this in first place, I should be studying or nevertheless sleeping in freaking 05:00 (a.m.). {You stupid idiot, you have Abitur exams in 6 days, study your dum-dum.} I should have confidence in myself, I know all the stuff that I should know, hopefully. I have dream, which people mocked with me about it, a dream that I should accomplish so show that I am not a dreamer. 

    I've noticed that the frequency of my uploads are pretty low, which I should work on. I love photography deep in my heart but I can't seem to lift head from games. I try to escape my reality of colourlessness, boredom and sadness. I am on run, which can crash me into my collapsing dream. I need to pick up the "brush" and start colouring my life. Why am I not doing that? Why do I let myself sink into blackness, do useless things in hope to find something worth continue to do useless things. I have hobbies that colour my life already. Not useless things, productive things.  I will not let my soul lie floating on the floor in a raven's shadow. 

    I should have started living ages ago. When I mean living, I mean enjoying, devouring every piece of it. I was just living, surviving, doing things I must do to the minimum. Living just on the line. With a misstep can send me down. I knew always that if I wanted, I could always be better, pursue my dreams easier. But I'm being hunted by my fears. This must stop. I got to take a step forward, and got to do it very soon, before it's too late. {Yeah, you idiot. That's what I'm trying to tell you since the beginning of the Semester Break.} My fears grew, but so should, will I. From this moment I will start to survive the life.


Firat Vardar
Artist | Hobbyist | Photography
Remember,remember,the fifth of november!
The Gun powder, treason and plot.
I see of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor,
Shall be lifted - nevermore!
-Edgar Allan Poe
Current Residence: Stuttgart

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Sanja87 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the fav! :)
fvardar Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
You're welcome. It's appreciated, if you check my works also :please:
xthumbtakx Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012
hi! thank you so much for :+fav:ing my art!! :hug: :dalove: hope you'll check out the rest of my gallery! :D
HamdicaLiskan Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012
Favoriler içi sağol ;)
HamdicaLiskan Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
Takip için teşekkürler..
tabzthefish Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
:thanks: 4 the :+fav:
fvardar Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
ur welcome..:#1:
tabzthefish Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
fvardar Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
:hug: :judge: :teamwork:
tabzthefish Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the fav! :D
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